I won today. Like, I seriously kicked the ass of what could have been a HUGE 2500-calorie binge! I conquered it like I was wearing a flaming kilt! I kicked it’s ass like a high-school nerd! I walked a mudhole in it’s ass and stomped it dry!
So, here’s how it went down: I was at a local grocery store and you know it’s right after the holidays, right? Well, I came up on a freezer chest that was chock full of 1/2 price Marie Calendar Pumpkin Pies. The frozen kind. The ones that you pop into the oven and that, when done, come out hot and smelling like your Grandma has been in the kitchen for the last 4 hours. The kind I can literally make myself sick on because pumpkin pie is, like, my favorite dessert in the whole wide universe!
I put the pie in my cart. Sheepishly. When my partner came up on me, she looked at the pie and said nothing. I loved her for that in that moment because something within me NEEDED the pie. The problem is that I hadn’t made it more than five steps when my brain started talking to me. Things like “you know you’re gonna eat that whole thing” and “you are going to wish you hadn’t bought that”. Still, I wanted the pie.
I did a little experiment with myself and asked myself the following 5 questions:
1. What am I really doing here?
2. Do I really want the pie or do I just want to feel full?
3. If I buy the pie, am I truly going to eat only one piece or is this a binge?
4. What feelings will I have after the binge? What feelings do I have right now while I want to binge?
5. Is this the best choice I can make?
And you know what happened? I walked away and I felt REALLY good about it. Because the bottom line is that I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted the pie. And I wanted to eat ALL of it. And I wanted to wallow in my full stomach and non-feelings afterwards. AND, biggest of all, the answer was that NO, it was most definitely NOT the best choice for me.
Instead of buying the pie and lying to myself that I wouldn’t go home and eat the whole thing, I was honest with myself that I was about to have a binge. I took the pie out of my cart and made my partner walk it back to the freezer. I wanted no further part of it.
I got between myself and a binge. Today, I WIN.