Time for a negative post…because, let’s face it, every part of our weight loss toward health journey is not going to be puppies and rainbows. Sometimes it’s about facing really ugly shit and realigning what we want for ourselves with what we have to work with. Sometimes it’s about using your voice to stand up for yourself.
Today I grabbed a piece of cheese and was going to eat it as a snack. Someone who was watching me grab the cheese said, “Yanno, cheese is super fattening?”
My reaction was pretty immediate and intense.
They thought they were “helping”.
What they thought they were saying to me was, “What you are about to do isn’t good for you!”
What I heard was, “Even though you’ve lost 50 pounds on your own and stay committed to your health every single day, you must have no idea that piece of cheese is “super fattening”.
Now, I’m sure when our friends and lovers and coworkers watch us go through our process or hear us talk about our process they feel like they have some sense of responsibility to us as someone who cares about us to “help” us make our goal. Maybe that’s a good thing, right?
The truth for me is that this process is incredibly insular. Incredibly private. Incredibly personal. I protect that shit with aggressive vehemence. Because at the end of the day, I’m not asking for your fucking help.
My bigger response is, “So fucking what if that cheese is fattening, maybe I want some fucking cheese!”
Because the way I am losing weight is to eat something when I want it rather than sitting around wishing I had eaten it for a week and resenting the fuck out of not having eaten it.
I eat the cheese in moderation, then I get satisfied and I move on. ‘Nuff said.
I think it’s hard for people to fathom sometimes that I really am in control of myself. I still weigh over 280 pounds so I am still technically “superfat” and I’m fine with that. If I never lost another pound, I wouldnt sit around and rock myself while crying. I’d be irritated that my knees hurt but lose my shit over being fat? No way. That would require me to hate my body and I just don’t.
I do not like to be headpatted. Do not treat me as if I don’t know as a grown adult woman what I want.
Because I do.
I want you to fuck off if you are going to headpat me.