And I feel like crap.
And my knees hurt.
And I’m irritated with myself for gaining 10 pounds back.
But! And this is the huge caveat for myself: BUT, I am not in a self-loathing moment. And that is saying a lot for me.
Sure, I’m frustrated but it’s more about not managing my time correctly than it is about feeling ugly about my body. Because I don’t. I don’t hate my body. I DO hate it when my knees hurt and I DO hate it when I’m tired but I don’t hate my belly or my ass or my thighs. That’s a WIN.
I have been geeking out a lot lately. Working on various web projects, working overtime at work, and reading. I don’t manage my time effectively! And there might be a dash of avoidance in all of this geekery I’ve been pursuing lately.
It occurred to me that losing weight takes a lot of energy. Not just to work out regularly but to make and plan meals and to just stop and think every single time you are about to put something in your mouth. Having to focus on yourself so much is uncomfortable if you are a girl like me who lives in “people pleasing” mode where I am the last in line for my own energy.
This week, I am going to plan my time and see what happens. I am going to plan my meals, make a workout schedule, plan my snacks, and slot some much-needed time to geek out. I think if I have a schedule and stick to it, I’ll be more likely to get back on my plan. We’ll see.
Tonight when I fix dinner, I’ll lay out my lunch for tomorrow. Cause everything is about double duty, right? While making dinner, you fix lunch for the next day. While working out on the bike, you jot down ideas in your notebook for new web projects. While updating your blog, you are catching up on listening to your favorite podcasts.
I hear Montel Jordan in the background: “This is how we doooo it.”