Redux – Detox – Sigh!






It’s been awhile.

It’s been a LONG while.

I’ve been ignoring my plan and this blog. Mostly for a reason, but sometimes because I’m stretched so thin that focusing on one more thing will snap my thread. Or maybe I stretch myself super thin so that I don’t HAVE to focus on this thing.

See what had happened was…

I have a big party every year for about 120 people. It is generally 5 days long, at a hotel, and entails a giant production of coordination, food, logistics, etc. While I look forward to it every year, it is super stressful and I tend to fall off the ledge with my routines in the 60-days leading up to it and in the 60-days away from it. I get physically and mentally exhausted and before I know it, Im back into unhealthy habits.

I looked up at the party and realized I was a smoker again.

I looked down at my plate and realized I wasn’t even attempting to eat well.

Because sometimes you just need some mashed potatoes and a cigarette.

Until you don’t.

I’m too scared to get on the scales.

Fuck it, no I’m not.

Be right back….

I just weighed. I’m 294.4. This isn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be but I’ve gained 10 pounds from my lowest weight.

My joints hurt. My knees are PISSED. My skin looks like shit. I’m sleeping like shit.

I can feel the weight and I can surely feel all of the processed food, alcohol, nicotine, and other bullshit that I should have moderated. I don’t want to see 300 again.

Let me rephrase: I WON’T see 300 again.

While I am sure that I won’t jump back on the wagon cold-turkey and start hitting the gym every night, I plan to slow-slide back to my program.

I am back in school full-time this semester and need to sit down and make a schedule for how this is going to work. What days can I make it to the gym?

How long will it take me to plan my meals?

How bad am I willing to hurt once back in the gym?

Do I need other people to help me?

The last question is the one I am willing to answer right now. The answer is NO, I do NOT need other people to help me. I just need to be with ME and my process right now and slap my own ass.

This is the first step.


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