I’ve discovered that getting healthy involves not just what you eat with your mouth, but what you eat with your brain.
What are you ingesting?
So here’s the confession of the week. I have a weakness. That weakness is a strength until it’s not. It’s called sensitivity.
Behold, I am a sensitive girl! Now, before you go getting out your hankies and shit let me ‘splain to you, Lucy. I’m not sensitive in the way of crying all the time or getting my feelings hurt when someone calls me a “fatass” on the street. Nope. I am strong in the sense of I know who I am and I know what my value is. The sensitivity I am talking about is the hurt I feel when I give too much of myself to other people and they take a shit on me. Or maybe that is resentment.
And I don’t like feeling resentment because that means that I regret giving my energy to people and rarely is that true. I guess the bottom line is that I feel shitty when I put too much faith/trust/stock in people don’t deserve it. That generally comes because I am BAD about over-estimating people’s ability to be upstanding, honest, adult, evolved, empathetic, or in touch with their emotions. And I guess on some level, all of those things really boil down to respecting me as much as I respect them.
I don’t do well with feeling disrespected.
Thing is, I generally expect people to be introspective and to maybe have an iota of awareness about not only how they affect the world but for the people around them. I can’t imagine being an authentic, grown, evolved adult and not understanding my responsibility to give as much as I take. It’s become clear to me in the last several years that there is a large section of people on this planet who act like human pinballs and bang off of the corners and blindly bounce through life clanging against other people instead of really connecting.
I’m not one of those pinballs and I think the last few years have taught me that I don’t want to be a bounce-off point for people who are aimless, thoughtless, vapid assholes. And guess what? I don’t have to give my energy to them either. I don’t OWE them anything.
Because NEWSFLASH: Unless you are worthy of love, you aren’t going to have it. If you don’t do the work to earn people’s respect, trust, love, or confidence? Then you don’t get to have it. And when you are sitting around wondering why you have no friends, no real connections, no aim in life, and why nothing good ever happens for you? Maybe you ought to take a little stock of how much time you spend being a selfish asshole and treating people like “things” instead of people. Because that kind of behavior has a short fucking shelf life.
I have encountered a couple of women in my life who have and are reaping exactly what they have sown. While I feel for them and wish for them that they had made different choices, all of my wishes are wasted because these women have stubbornly and blindly told themselves that the very people offering a hand of love to them are “jealous” or “negative” or “trying to hold them down”.
No, babygirl, these women love you enough to tell you the fucking truth. And you, apparently, can’t handle it.
Needless to say, I am fucking D.O.N.E. with throwing my heart down a sucking black hole of blind fools. My love is precious and valuable and I’m pulling a Whitney Houston and saving some of it for myself. <3